What's difference between Love Shyness And Social Anxiety?
Loveshyness has been ignored by the psychological community at large. It has not been included as a diagnosis in the DSM-IV, a database of current psychological diagnoses. However, social anxiety disorder is prominently featured.
The problem is that many love-shys do not exhibit the signs of traditional social anxiety disorder, and often have their own specialized issues. The DSM-IV categorizes social anxiety as:
- A persistent fear of unfamiliar social situations in which the individual may be open to scrutiny. The individual fears they will embarrass or humiliate themselves
- The individual experiences intense anxiety in social situations, which may devolve into panic attacks.
- The fear is unreasonable or excessive.
- The individual avoids these stressful situations.
- By avoiding these social situations, the individual incurs consequences which have negative effects on their life.
- Feel that women have more advantages and power than men
- Are less interested in pursuing competitive sports, as they generally shy away from competing to be the alpha male
- Highly value physical beauty, putting more emphasis on facial features
- Are less interested in pursuing male friendships
- Become interested in females earlier in their development than the average male. This often happens near the 3rd and 5th grades.
- Find it difficult to express how they are feeling emotionally
- Show low energy levels and find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning
Are serious individuals
So, we can see that while a loveshy individual certainly experiences symptoms in line with social anxiety, their dilemma is a unique experience to that of generalized social anxiety disorder.
In looking at how to overcome loveshyness, it is important to find resources which specifically attack the dilemmas specific to a love shy persons life, and not just look to treat the symptoms of a broader social anxiety disorder.
So, how can you tell if you are one of the 60 million loveshy men? Here are four major signs that you might be loveshy:
1) You feel powerless around women
When you are around women, you feel like they hold all the cards. When you talk to women, you feel like you are constantly giving them your power and there is little to nothing you can do about it. You feel like women get the upper hand and the final decision in whether or not you will develop a relationship with them. Whatever the woman decides determines whether you thrive or collapse inside. The anxiety caused through interacting with a woman, and especially through romantic escalation, causes you to shy away from love.
2) You dont get involved in competitive sports
You are generally not attracted to activities where you are forced to prove our alpha status. Loveshy men do not want to have to prove dominance. Loveshy men would rather go through life focusing on what excites them than worry about having to compete with other men.
Though loveshy men tend not to participate in competitive sports like basketball, football, and soccer, this does not mean they do not enjoy sports or get fulfillment out of physical activity. Loveshy men will gravitate towards sports that do not have such a competitive focus such as swimming, golf, or rock climbing.
It is hard to characterize exactly why we find this trend among loveshy men. It is possible that this is a small symptom in a larger complex of depression that develops in the loveshy community.
A man, and especially loveshy men, feel that their self worth is tied up in their succsesses with women. Hence, loveshy men tend to put a lot of value in physical beauty, especially beauty found in the face, and tend to become interested in the opposite sex at an earlier age.
Unfortunately, this disposition, combined with a shy temperament causes loveshy men to rarely, if ever, see a woman romantically. Because your self worth is so wrapped up in how you do with women, it is easy to become depressed when you havent even kissed a girl by age 30.
4) You are serious and find it difficult to express emotion
All men find it emotionally damaging when they have to suffer rejection from a woman. Loveshy men, however, feel this pain to the extreme.
Loveshy men find it tough to deal with emotion in general, and tend not to express how they are feeling very often. They are dedicated and passionate individuals, and this often comes across as having a very serious demeanor.
You do not need to meet all or any of these rules to be considered loveshy. This is a list of what you generally find in a loveshy male. However, the most telltale sign of a loveshy is how you deal with women.
Incel is precisely a lack of sex. In contrast, love shyness is a lack of intimacy at all levels.
Many love shy men are uninterested in sex without emotion (for example, with prostitutes) and therefore love shyness and involuntary celibacy are one in the same. However, it could also be the case that someone intimate with a woman could also be incel, if that particular woman was uninterested in sex, or if the man was physically incapable of having sex.
Why Involuntary Celibacy Is So Difficult.
Being incel is difficult because it runs contrary to our instinct for sex.
Involuntary celibacy is also stigmatized in our society, as sexual relations are a normal, healthy function of being alive.
It can lead to a decrease in testosterone, increased anxiety, and even health risks.
Sex is a natural stress reliever. It helps define a part of our personality. It also feels fantastic!
So if sex is so great, why are people incel?
Reason 1: Sexual Idealization
Many incel men have skewed, unrealistic, and incorrect perceptions of sex. Sex isnt a normal part of life its an ideal to fantasize about. Pornography, romantic movies, and popular conceptions of sex replace a normal, healthy attitude towards the nuances of sex.
Many incel people isolate themselves, and therefore do not meet enough people to find a sexual partner.
If youre in this category, we recommend extending your social circle and meeting new people. Dont even think about the sex yet, just have a stronger social circle as your first step, and finding a sexual partner will be significantly easier down the line.
Reason 3: Lack of Confidence
Many men are incel because they lack the confidence to escalate sexually with a woman.
Confidence can be boosted in many ways, but we find that having female friends in a healthy way, not unrequited attraction can be the most helpful strategy.
Youll understand better the cues a woman makes in general and then see clearer when sexual tension develops.
There is no conclusion.
Incel is difficult. We recommend an approach to treat it that attacks the root of the problem (not a wide enough social connection, not enough comfort with female psychology). Get out there, meet people, and become social.
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